my brain just threw up a little…

October 11, 2018

UTI

Filed under: lawls,random crazies — Sol @ 11:26 am

One way to make your doctor a wee bit concern is to hand them a urine sample they cannot see through.

 

September 26, 2018

You are what you eat, right?

Filed under: Daily Crazies,lawls,QOTD,random crazies — Sol @ 12:38 pm

John:
I quit smoking. Eight days now

Me:
oh! well done you
patch?

John:
Cold turkey; I got really sick last week and basically slept for a bit over 24 hours straight. After that I was like, meh, made it this far.

Me:
makes sense
feeling better?

John:
yarr

Me:
excellent, soon enough you will start jogging
and yoga
and lifting

John:
hahaha

Me:
and get healthy
and start travelling
and end up in some port in Micronesia
perched atop some bench
and locals will mistaken you for a bird, clock you over the head with a club studded with sharks teeth, and eat you.
Very healthy bird.

John:
That sounds rather painful XD

Me:
nah, you will live on as essence with tribal leaders
Your left buttock which will be eaten by Mrs Gurgle (shaman’s wife) will actually make history.
After the rest of the humanity will perish in nuclear fire, your bum will live on with child of a child of a child of a child of Mrs Gurgle. That child will have the spirit of your left buttock and will be the leader of the free world. (only a lot less Trumpy).
Interestingly enough, at about the same time there will be a rise of mutated sentient sharks. No one will know why these sharks build underwater monuments dedicated to their deity, and why these monuments so strongly resemble a pair of feet attached to a relatively small torpedo.
(Yes, there are some things cannibals just do not eat and throw overboard of their canoes)
(I bet when you woke up this morning you didn’t think that this will be a topic for some dudes’ fevered imaginative speculations, eh?)

September 9, 2018

“Judgemental”

People like throwing this word around when they do not like someone’s opinion.

Everyone has opinion(s). Not agreeing with an opinion is not an issue. Handling it can be an issue.

Live and let live, you buncha dirty apes.

August 28, 2018

Altered Carbon

Filed under: commentary,dreams,screen-shots — Sol @ 11:37 am

From Altered Carbon. Hey, at least no one was shagging this cat. Aristocrats.

July 26, 2018

Overheard at the doctor’s office

Filed under: Daily Crazies,QOTD,random crazies — Sol @ 1:20 pm

“Have you tried putting fruit in your mouth?”

(two ladies conversing)

June 23, 2018

If I told you it was a long story, you still won’t believe me.

Filed under: Daily Crazies,immortalized (™),lawls,pranks — Sol @ 3:20 pm

crossing fingers

Filed under: commentary — Sol @ 2:12 pm

This guy I know just told me he is dealing with a brain tumor.

I like this guy. I hope his tumor fucks off and recovery is quick.

oh and he has a pretty awesome doggus.

CW, I’ll keep my digits crossed and will see you when you get out of that mess.

June 21, 2018

co-worker’s birthday

Filed under: lawls,pranks — Sol @ 11:00 am

I can’t think of anything appropriate to do to him
I mean… I CAN, but it involves a suitcase, 17mm box wrench, Happy anniversary card, a ball of twine, raw egg, lighter fluid, and eventual police sirens. Which makes it not really appropriate for the work environment, see?
oh, and one of those mini-cupcakes with a pair of chopsticks
hey, I wasn’t the one who invented this prank, so I cannot take any credit for it.
Original was setup by Usul-bey during 1812 Turkish campaign on the west side of Bofort pass, and resulting effect gave most the modern day Bulgarian population a persistent stutter.

May 17, 2018

Sleepwalking

Filed under: Daily Crazies,dreams,immortalized (™),lawls — Sol @ 6:12 pm

sleepwalking
because that’s some dangerous crap, man
going to bed at a regular hour
all appears to be well
suddenly you wake up
to find yourself fully dressed, standing in your neighbor’s bathtub, and your entire right hand is clenched into a fist inside a jar of peanut butter
and the neighbour lady tells the cops “But he said he is going to sing!”
now, that makes for all sorts of awkward experience

(From an earlier conversation with a coworker)

May 11, 2018

From recent conversation with coworker regarding customers not answering important email

YT: We should develop our own drone program similar to amazon or DoD, so we could drop friendly reminders onto customer’s property. I am thinking a reminder shaped like a crossover between a stone tablet and a lawn-dart inscribed with heavy copperplate or Gothic font would be hard to ignore. We may need a bigger drone…

CWRKR: i mean, I wouldn’t be against the idea of things showing up in their house hold for that haha

YT: yeah you would
that would quickly become a door-to-door
nobody wants door-to-door
people get aggressive when their thin veil of privacy gets penetrated by another person
however, penetrating said veil of privacy with a stone missile delivered at 120m/s has a novelty factor, and will likely be noticed with … with more of a surprise reaction than with “get-off-mah-lawn!” reaction. Ofcourse there is a possibility of some complaints and possible litigation regarding property damage, but that becomes hardly a cause for concern after three consecutive drone stri… erm… after “three consecutive message deliveries” to the same location.

CWRKR: yeahhh that whole possibly dropping it on an unsuspecting pizza delivery persons head would also cause trouble

YT: You may no longer have a garage, and there is a decomposing display of biblical wrath on your front porch still holding a pizza box, but you will never forget to respond to our email, guaranteed!

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