my brain just threw up a little…

May 11, 2018

From recent conversation with coworker regarding customers not answering important email

YT: We should develop our own drone program similar to amazon or DoD, so we could drop friendly reminders onto customer’s property. I am thinking a reminder shaped like a crossover between a stone tablet and a lawn-dart inscribed with heavy copperplate or Gothic font would be hard to ignore. We may need a bigger drone…

CWRKR: i mean, I wouldn’t be against the idea of things showing up in their house hold for that haha

YT: yeah you would
that would quickly become a door-to-door
nobody wants door-to-door
people get aggressive when their thin veil of privacy gets penetrated by another person
however, penetrating said veil of privacy with a stone missile delivered at 120m/s has a novelty factor, and will likely be noticed with … with more of a surprise reaction than with “get-off-mah-lawn!” reaction. Ofcourse there is a possibility of some complaints and possible litigation regarding property damage, but that becomes hardly a cause for concern after three consecutive drone stri… erm… after “three consecutive message deliveries” to the same location.

CWRKR: yeahhh that whole possibly dropping it on an unsuspecting pizza delivery persons head would also cause trouble

YT: You may no longer have a garage, and there is a decomposing display of biblical wrath on your front porch still holding a pizza box, but you will never forget to respond to our email, guaranteed!

April 12, 2018

ponder this

Filed under: Did You Know,gadgets,heinous geekery,screen-shots — Sol @ 1:07 pm

https://xkcd.com/radiation/

February 14, 2018

Altered Carbon goats

Filed under: Daily Crazies,dreams,heinous geekery,random crazies — Sol @ 1:35 pm

Goat Farming Space Program can also double as a correctional facility. Use goats as sleeves for the prisoners. A few years as a less advanced life form trapped on the Moon, getting milked, eating pellets, and shuffling shit while waiting for a frozen pineapple treat so you and a few thousand other goats could fight over it, that would be a deterrent powerful enough to keep everyone chanting 2+2=5!
Orwellian Goat Farming Space Program. How about that?

Moon cheese

Filed under: Daily Crazies,dreams,heinous geekery,random crazies — Sol @ 10:45 am

Moon is not made of cheese, but it can be used as a giant encapsulated and terraformed goat farm centred around goat cheese manufacturing. All goat refuse can be used to enrich the soil. Soil will produce greens. Greens feed goats. One minor issue – Moon has no water. Figure out a way to artificially create water on the Moon and you will have Moon covered with goat cheese in no time.
Moon can be made of cheese.

February 13, 2018

Moonshot

Filed under: Daily Crazies,Did You Know,heinous geekery — Sol @ 11:04 am

It is impossible to fire a pineapple from a cannon at the Moon because it is not aerodynamically shaped and its’ density is too low to survive the pressure developed at muzzle. Now… no such thing was ever said about coconuts. Ponder this.

November 30, 2017

from an earlier conversation with a coworker

5yr old saying “Snoopy is what?…”
and mom goes “Dead. Stone-cold fucking dead. Went to meet his maker. Seized to be. Snoopy is no more. Snoopy is an ex-snoopy. You know how you go to sleep, and then you wake up? It’s kinda like that, only without waking up and with a shovel at the end.”

November 16, 2017

Madison says: Wait! Don’t Go. We are the #1 trusted choice for cleaning and restoration services and have been for over 40 years! What services were you considering?

You: how long till your cleaners can get to my place?

Madison says: We have appointment times every day. One of our Customer Care Reps would be happy to help you schedule an appointment.

Madison says: What’s your name, city and phone number? I will have someone contact you as quickly as possible.

You: I just need to know your lead time before I divulge any of my information

Madison says: Speaking with us personally is the fastest way to get service, pricing and all of your questions answered. May I have your phone number?

You: neah. I do not want to give my phone number to someone who can’t be bothered with a simple answer

Madison says: I do apologize, we are currently having trouble with our phones. Please allow us to reach out to you when they are back up.

Madison says: We would gladly provide a FREE, NO-OBLIGATION estimate. Simply CLICK HERE and fill out the short contact form, or call us right now at 855-392-0709. We look forward to speaking with you.

You: lol what’s seven times 3 ?

Madison says: lol 🙂

You: lol?

Madison says: lol 🙂

You: amazing

Madison says: I think you can best be taken care of by one of our team members. Please call us directly at 855-392-0709 or CLICK HERE and we will be able to better assist you.

You: do you sell pants?

Madison says: I really think that one of our specialists (unfortunately, not me) will be able to serve you better. Call us at 855-392-0709 or CLICK HERE to send us your contact information and we will call you right away.

You: you are a bot

Madison says: Of course I’m not real but I wish I were 🙂

Madison says: I can answer most of your questions though.

You: it’s ok, Pinoccio

Madison says: 🙂

You: can you send a transcript of this conversation to my phone?

Madison says: One of our Customer Care Representatives will be happy to assist you.

You: In a few sentences tell me only good things that come to mind about your mother.

Madison says: I am a virtual agent designed to answer commonly asked questions. However, our team members would love to speak with you directly. 855-392-0709

October 4, 2017

how do you know whether or not you are human?

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/are-blade-runners-replicants-human-descartes-and-locke-have-some-thoughts-180965097

March 7, 2016

Someone please drop this on Facebox.

Why is THIS not trending all over FaceBox?

March 6, 2016

Well, that’s HOCward

InHocSignoVinces

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