my brain just threw up a little…

November 30, 2017

from an earlier conversation with a coworker

5yr old saying “Snoopy is what?…”
and mom goes “Dead. Stone-cold fucking dead. Went to meet his maker. Seized to be. Snoopy is no more. Snoopy is an ex-snoopy. You know how you go to sleep, and then you wake up? It’s kinda like that, only without waking up and with a shovel at the end.”

November 16, 2017

Madison says: Wait! Don’t Go. We are the #1 trusted choice for cleaning and restoration services and have been for over 40 years! What services were you considering?

You: how long till your cleaners can get to my place?

Madison says: We have appointment times every day. One of our Customer Care Reps would be happy to help you schedule an appointment.

Madison says: What’s your name, city and phone number? I will have someone contact you as quickly as possible.

You: I just need to know your lead time before I divulge any of my information

Madison says: Speaking with us personally is the fastest way to get service, pricing and all of your questions answered. May I have your phone number?

You: neah. I do not want to give my phone number to someone who can’t be bothered with a simple answer

Madison says: I do apologize, we are currently having trouble with our phones. Please allow us to reach out to you when they are back up.

Madison says: We would gladly provide a FREE, NO-OBLIGATION estimate. Simply CLICK HERE and fill out the short contact form, or call us right now at 855-392-0709. We look forward to speaking with you.

You: lol what’s seven times 3 ?

Madison says: lol πŸ™‚

You: lol?

Madison says: lol πŸ™‚

You: amazing

Madison says: I think you can best be taken care of by one of our team members. Please call us directly at 855-392-0709 or CLICK HERE and we will be able to better assist you.

You: do you sell pants?

Madison says: I really think that one of our specialists (unfortunately, not me) will be able to serve you better. Call us at 855-392-0709 or CLICK HERE to send us your contact information and we will call you right away.

You: you are a bot

Madison says: Of course I’m not real but I wish I were πŸ™‚

Madison says: I can answer most of your questions though.

You: it’s ok, Pinoccio

Madison says: πŸ™‚

You: can you send a transcript of this conversation to my phone?

Madison says: One of our Customer Care Representatives will be happy to assist you.

You: In a few sentences tell me only good things that come to mind about your mother.

Madison says: I am a virtual agent designed to answer commonly asked questions. However, our team members would love to speak with you directly. 855-392-0709

October 4, 2017

how do you know whether or not you are human?

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/are-blade-runners-replicants-human-descartes-and-locke-have-some-thoughts-180965097

March 7, 2016

Someone please drop this on Facebox.

Why is THIS not trending all over FaceBox?

March 6, 2016

Well, that’s HOCward

InHocSignoVinces

March 4, 2016

Ya’ll need to be touched by His noodly appendage!

March 3, 2016

Happy Birthday AlisonG! (gordololololol)

20160303_094301 (more…)

March 2, 2016

warning: depictions of people fucking. If you do not like risquΓ© shit, what the hell are you doing looking at this site anyway?

tentacles

February 27, 2016

Found this to be a great perspective.

weasly

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