my brain just threw up a little…

February 22, 2018

tapioca pudding

Filed under: Daily Crazies,immortalized (™),lawls,random crazies — Sol @ 3:30 pm

face-cake-snot

February 18, 2018

Face of all the evil, AKA Jimmy The Angry

You do know that it’s not the rifle that kills. It is the moron holding it that pulls the trigger.
You think that instituting a ban on “AR-style” rifles is a panacea for school shootings? You are dumb. Plain and simple. OR! You are looking for an argument with ulterior motives and that makes you dumb and a four-legged twat-waffle.
Lemme’splain
Okso, there is a teenager with hitherto undefined issues and you feel the need to make a statement by just destroying things. Yes, I said “things” because for a damaged and sick individual human beings are just that – a thing.
Jimmy The Angry (the angsty teenage sociopath now has a name for ease of reference!) goes to local store to get himself outfitted with a fine and dandy Armalite product to rain destruction on all those he hates. (maybe he believes himself to be a falcon and wants to fly free, who knows?)(actually… who knows, really? he got a shrink, or proctologist or something? anyone?)
Clerk at unnamed local store tells this kid to fuck off unless background check. Jimmy The Angry produces ID.
now…
Some states won’t sell till you are 16. Other states will sell when you are 18.
no matter. Mr Angry is 19.
Background check shows prior arrests and residencies.
Not a word about Mr Angry being on two serious meds.
Not a word about Mr Angry being in psych care.
Not a word from precog bureau.
Not a word from no such agency about Jimmy making subtle yet terrible threats in the bathroom, out of sight but within the earshot of his mom’s favorite basement Echo.
okso, Jimmy gets his AR and buys thirty or so magpul mags and a strappy magbra (tacvest). Jimmy The Angry loads out, drops self off at school, and unloads his anger.
There is no armed guard or two on the grounds. Like one at the gate and one inside with eye on cameras, no? It would make sense to guard kids, seeing how kids are pretty damn important. Not to mention there is this “pandemic slaughtering of kids instituted by Republicans and their gun-laws” or something like that, right? More on that later.
 
Aha, say you. But what if there was no evil AR so readily available for Jimmy The Angry!
Now, I could call you dumb just there, but in spirit of goodness I will play along for a hot minute.
No AR? No problem!
How about a popular american made semi-auto shotgun with a 25rnd drum, bubba-stock and an 18″ barrel? Do you still think that AR is the most evil thing out there?
Because that shotgun IS a hunting weapon that cost about as much as AR and any dimwit can switch out a barrel, and slap a 30rnd drum of 00 into it. You want to see images of what 00 does to a human torso at 25yrds? Seen many hallways longer than 25yrds filled with firealarmed students? Just use your imagination.
Where is the will, there is a fucktard looking to use it.
Going to outlaw guns and make unregistered guns “bad” and punishable by up to 30yrs in prison?
Right! Person looking to commit a murder is not going to be deterred by “ooooh look, a draconian firearms charge, better not do this” when they are looking to End someone’s Life and quite possibly end their own.
No, they are not going to use their own registered weapon to hold up a bank or to start a quiet neighborhood carjacking business.
 
You want a viable solution to a politicized cause of death that costs 1/10th of a percent of deaths compared with car crashes, or whatever the number is?
Actually WHAT IS THE NUMBER?
 
Iraq Death Toll Reaches 500,000 Since Start Of U.S.-Led Invasion …
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/15/iraq-death-toll_n_4102855.html
 
Total number of deaths in ALL school shootings in US since 1764 – … 222.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/School_shootings_in_the_United_States
 
Here is another set of numbers:
In 2010, there were an estimated 5,419,000 crashes, 30,296 of with fatalities, killing 32,999, and injuring 2,239,000. About 2,000 children under 16 die every year in traffic collisions. Records indicate that there has been a total of 3,613,732 motor vehicle fatalities in the United States from 1899 to 2013.
Motor vehicle fatality rate in U.S. by year – Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motor_vehicle_fatality_rate_in_U.S._by_year
 
wait, wait… here is a good one!
25,000 to 120,000 The minimum number of the above deaths due to negligence. That is, deaths caused
by medical malpractice each year.
https://centerjd.org/cjrg/Numbers.pdf
 
oooh, hey, how about this one?
Facts About Abortion: U.S. Abortion Statistics
abort73.com/abortion_facts/us_abortion_statistics
Jan 22, 2018 – Between 1973-2012, 431 women died due to abortion complications (CDC).
 
Cigarette smoking causes about one of every five deaths in the United States each year. Cigarette smoking is estimated to cause the following: More than 480,000 deaths annually (including deaths from secondhand smoke)
CDC – Fact Sheet – Tobacco-Related Mortality – Smoking & Tobacco Use
https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_statistics/fact…/tobacco…mortality/index.htm
 
222 since ever…
 
Now, rest your eyes on this bit for a moment:
Gun violence in the United States – Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_violence_in_the_United_States
Gun violence in the United States results in tens of thousands of deaths and injuries annually. In 2013, there were 73,505 nonfatal firearm injuries (23.2 injuries per 100,000 U.S. citizens), and 33,636 deaths due to “injury by firearms” (10.6 deaths per 100,000 U.S. citizens). These deaths consisted of 11,208 homicides, …
 
that’s approx 11000 out of about 33000. Roughly a third is a homicide. Means the other 22000 are fucking pranks, what?
 
222.
ever.
 
Still think AR is the face of all evil?
That makes you fucking dumb.
Jimmy level dumb.

It is a “do not speak at me” level of dumb.

Produce a viable solution. Track Jimmies. Set guards in schools. Most importantly – if you value human life so very fucking much, then maybe you will stop being hypocritical in regards to whose life matters more and start acting like they all fucking matter regardless of whose vaganus they turded out of into this world.

February 14, 2018

Do goats eat pineapple?

Populate newly terraformed Moon with spacesuit wearing goats.
Build a cannon atop of an active volcano.
Use volcano’s energy to shoot frozen pineapples at the Moon.
Use surplus goat-shit to manufacture explosives.
Use explosives to shoot surplus goat-cheese back at Earth.
Farming is now a Space Program.
Profit.

February 12, 2018

iSuppose

Filed under: Daily Crazies,immortalized (™),lawls — Sol @ 12:21 pm

“Elegant piece of futuristic equipment with a solitary control (available in four popular colors). When activated it emits a sonorous chime followed by ever depressing exhalation of dismay and existential dread.”
(From an earlier conversation with a co-worker)

December 25, 2017

Moral fiber

I wonder if people realize that their moral fiber should be used to justify retribution when needed, and it is not the kind of fiber that should justify them shitting their pants.

December 22, 2017

Trolling in 1898.

This old cobbler died and when his friends and family were at a wake his apprentice came by and quietly sat at his casket. He pulled this odd little tool out of his pocket and laid it in the crook of the dead man’s folded arm. Tool looked like a well worn screwdriver with some kind of bracket and a hook on the shaft. Relatives present asked what this was about, and the aprentice told them that this is some tool this man was using for work, hence all the wear and tear on the handle.
A few minutes later dead man’s wife returned from her conversation with some other relative and saw the little gadget. She smiled at the aprentice and hugged him. And told him that it is a fantastic gesture, but she would really want this odd little gadget to be in a museum since there are so very few of those gadgets left in the world, now that there are machines for making shoes. And so it was agreed, and she took the gadget to a local museum, where a wisened old historian thanked her and made it a point to invite her to the museum when the odd little gadget was placed on the wall in a heavy red-wood case with a plaque explaining what this is and with the picture of the now dead cobbler.
In 1989 I was friends with a young historian who was working at that museum. She brought me over to show me the silly gadget and to show me the procedure for cleaning it.
The amount of attention she was giving this trinket was almost awe-inspiring.
I watched her treat this 100yr old tool like soldiers handle their weapons, or how a master craftsman would treat a piece of equipment their lives depended on.
In my head something about this gadget did not quite match up, something was a miss.
So I described this funny little gadget to this old relative of mine. Chap was in his 90s. So he noded, put the scetch down, and said that he knows the gadget.
I was at once relieved, and thought myself a fool for having the doubts. Who am I to doubt wisened old historians?
So the old fellow said that he too has one of those very similar looking gadgets. I was elated at prospect of seeing one of those misterious gadgets.
I asked the man how he got it.
Instead of answering he flipped it over and at once I saw a stamp in German. I immediately assumed that it was German. He said that the trinket was Austrian.
And then he told me that I was wrong to think that this was a cobbler tool
I think I gave him a funny stare because he was starting to smile.
And so he told me that that Apprentice must’ve had a great sense of humor
… because the gadget was a can-opener.

Moral of this story is: know your shit, or you will be polishing a dead man’s tool for a hundred years.

Dirty Perverts

Filed under: Daily Crazies,immortalized (™),QOTD — Sol @ 4:18 pm

Let me see if I get this right;

Photogenic, eloquent, well read, able to recognise emotions while masking their own to project a personality they really are not, while believing themself to be the personality they are projecting.
Sounds psychotic?
that’s called “acting.”
And we, the people, praise these individuals, we elevate them to celebrity, follow them, mourn their passing, and rage when we find out that the person behind the silver screen is flawed.

cue in pitchforks and torches.

RIP dirty perverts

December 8, 2017

From an earlier conversation with a friend

Friend: “i’m going to try to figure out how to log that last call, it was complicated and too much thing in it.”

Me: Start with “His deep raspy voice had a calm of of italian leather with a hint of sandalwood and a calm confidence of consonants in the word guillotine. My breath shorted out the phoneline. It was 10 AM…”

November 30, 2017

from an earlier conversation with a coworker

5yr old saying “Snoopy is what?…”
and mom goes “Dead. Stone-cold fucking dead. Went to meet his maker. Seized to be. Snoopy is no more. Snoopy is an ex-snoopy. You know how you go to sleep, and then you wake up? It’s kinda like that, only without waking up and with a shovel at the end.”

November 27, 2017

Dear Angry who tried dragging me into mud on FB.

Filed under: Anti-SJW,Daily Crazies,immortalized (™),lawls — Sol @ 10:50 pm

Ah, but you thought wrong.
You invested all this time and effort trying to spite me because it makes you feel better.
And I just slammed the door in your face and ignored your fevered attempts at trying to fling mud.
Kid, you embody almost everything what’s wrong with the feminism in these last thirty years. You are rude, unfair, obnoxious, toxic, petty, entitled, poorly reasoned, hypocritical AF, and to make it all worse – you have convinced yourself in a lie and you choose to continue believing it. I think DSM5 has that listed as a symptom.
You cannot see any of this because you are not very bright. You know a trick or two, you’ve read a book or few. But underneath all that internal struggle you are as shallow as water under the urinal cake. And what’s worse is this stench of convenient lies you were fed by your “reliable” and conveniently anti-me sources. You can’t possibly think of a bias because you are not interested in any bias. You are only interested in your own social standing and your feels. How good will it feel when you rail on this… this… this man.
I will leave you to wallow in your own shit. This is your high point. You are righteous and just and most importantly you have your social support. Good on you, kid. Without your social support, your little gaggle of screeching “friends” whoever, you amass to half-witted ass. Oh dear me… your efforts did pay off! Look! You gave me an inspiration to rhyme something. Amazing…
So much for my rant
I shall never repent
And remain forever a runt
and in my troubled mind
Only this I can find:
You forever remaining a…

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