my brain just threw up a little…

April 12, 2018

Motorcycle Trebuchet

Filed under: Daily Crazies,immortalized (™),lawls,QOTD,random crazies — Sol @ 11:55 am

At some point of time in not too recent past I had this peculiar conversation with my colleague M.
It is quite involved and twisted, but in short it can be summed up to this – someone should invent a “motorcycle trebuchet.”
Initial idea was that a trebuchet can be used to load a motorcycle onto a bed of a truck. Fevered imaginations ran with the idea.
Before long this became a running joke and a go-to tangent for interrupting conversations.
Earlier today I saw an image of a post-crash motorcycle on “Trebuchet Magazine” site. Not bothering to post that. But I did send it to M. Below are the bits of the resulting conversation.

 

CM: OMG! DID SOMEONE MAKE ONE?!?!?!?!!

Me: I dread to think

CM: DREAD NOTHING! THAT WOULD BE AMAZING!

Me: (not for the poor bugger who was on this bike)

CM: Though I’m also curious now about Trebuchet magazine. Is there enough of a fan base for old-timey siege weapons to sustain a magazine dedicated to them in the modern era?

Me: eh… probably not

CM: And also, when using a motorcycle trebuchet, the rider shouldn’t be on the motorcycle.
That’s just craziness

Me: I know this is a guess-work on my part, but from my observations of individuals interested in trebuchets I can tell you that most of those characters are interested in actually building and firing a treb, instead of just drooling over pics of a treb.

CM: Yeah, that seems like the fun part.

Me: another sure sign that they do not have a huge (or even substantial) following is this; There are no flaming skull stickers for trebuchets.

CM: And after exploring that site a bit more, it seems a lot more focused on the modern art aspects of everything than the loading up a heavy shot and flinging it into stuff aspects of trebuchets.

Me: I say this in confidence because every other building hobby ALWAYS has a “flaming skull/flames niche”
skateboards, bikes, cars, PC cases, furniture, toolboxes, … hellsbells, even CANES.
but have you ever seen a treb with flame-werk appliques?

CM: I have not. And it seems like a thing they should have.
How else are you supposed to appropriately convey the sense of danger they pose!

Me: And it would be a great tribute to all the ancient trebuchets that actually were on fire
this would make for a great business opportunity
imagine
“Greek Fire Co.”
“How else can you make your trebuchet go faster?”
and
“Up to 30% more flames”

CM: I like this idea.
This should be a thing.

Me: And because this would make for a very healthy (albeit slightly illegal) business practice, one should immediately open a second business amply dubbed “Swing Le’Flambe`”
Offering same stickers and decals as a package-deal at a slightly higher price.

CM: I don’t see why it would be illegal 🙂 They’re antique replicas. Obviously not meant for use against government building.

Me: I believe there is some biz regulation prohibiting owning two businesses with sole purpose of justifying raised prices

CM: That’s fair.
But then again, Trump is president and they’re not actually going to go after business owners for screwing their customers (as long as the appropriate bribes taxes and fees are paid

Me: omg, brilliant
CM, I think we just struck gold
imagine this
small treb (about 8ft)
This treb looks pretty regular except it has a sling made out of orange fur. Sling is permanently attached to the channel (bottom part). When you attempt to fire it, it screams “FAKE!”
Market this device as “Trumpolette”
Comes optional decals shaped like flames with commonly used buzzwords Great, Huge, BelieveMe, etc
I think it will sell

CM: YES!
I like all of the things you just said.
Though you mis-spelled Yuge

March 31, 2018

Encouragement and Inspiration

Filed under: Daily Crazies,immortalized (™),lawls,QOTD,random crazies — Sol @ 10:31 am

“”Motherfucker” makes for a very encouraging and inspirational word. Especially when spoken very softly and out of nowhere.”
(from an earlier conversation with a co-worker)

March 7, 2018

bucket list

What bucket list?
I am too poor to afford a bucket.

fuck you, don’t judge me!

February 28, 2018

Cyborg VS Kunitskaya

Filed under: Daily Crazies,immortalized (™),lawls,QOTD — Sol @ 8:06 pm

Coworker tells me about the two female MMA fighters.
Another shows me their action shots.

“you know its’ bad when they are dripping testosterone, squirt like blood sprinklers, and growl as if they are passing a stool of a three-legged pub variety, right?”

February 22, 2018

tapioca pudding

Filed under: Daily Crazies,immortalized (™),lawls,random crazies — Sol @ 3:30 pm

face-cake-snot

February 14, 2018

Do goats eat pineapple?

Populate newly terraformed Moon with spacesuit wearing goats.
Build a cannon atop of an active volcano.
Use volcano’s energy to shoot frozen pineapples at the Moon.
Use surplus goat-shit to manufacture explosives.
Use explosives to shoot surplus goat-cheese back at Earth.
Farming is now a Space Program.
Profit.

February 12, 2018

iSuppose

Filed under: Daily Crazies,immortalized (™),lawls — Sol @ 12:21 pm

“Elegant piece of futuristic equipment with a solitary control (available in four popular colors). When activated it emits a sonorous chime followed by ever depressing exhalation of dismay and existential dread.”
(From an earlier conversation with a co-worker)

December 25, 2017

Moral fiber

I wonder if people realize that their moral fiber should be used to justify retribution when needed, and it is not the kind of fiber that should justify them shitting their pants.

December 22, 2017

Trolling in 1898.

This old cobbler died and when his friends and family were at a wake his apprentice came by and quietly sat at his casket. He pulled this odd little tool out of his pocket and laid it in the crook of the dead man’s folded arm. Tool looked like a well worn screwdriver with some kind of bracket and a hook on the shaft. Relatives present asked what this was about, and the aprentice told them that this is some tool this man was using for work, hence all the wear and tear on the handle.
A few minutes later dead man’s wife returned from her conversation with some other relative and saw the little gadget. She smiled at the aprentice and hugged him. And told him that it is a fantastic gesture, but she would really want this odd little gadget to be in a museum since there are so very few of those gadgets left in the world, now that there are machines for making shoes. And so it was agreed, and she took the gadget to a local museum, where a wisened old historian thanked her and made it a point to invite her to the museum when the odd little gadget was placed on the wall in a heavy red-wood case with a plaque explaining what this is and with the picture of the now dead cobbler.
In 1989 I was friends with a young historian who was working at that museum. She brought me over to show me the silly gadget and to show me the procedure for cleaning it.
The amount of attention she was giving this trinket was almost awe-inspiring.
I watched her treat this 100yr old tool like soldiers handle their weapons, or how a master craftsman would treat a piece of equipment their lives depended on.
In my head something about this gadget did not quite match up, something was a miss.
So I described this funny little gadget to this old relative of mine. Chap was in his 90s. So he noded, put the scetch down, and said that he knows the gadget.
I was at once relieved, and thought myself a fool for having the doubts. Who am I to doubt wisened old historians?
So the old fellow said that he too has one of those very similar looking gadgets. I was elated at prospect of seeing one of those misterious gadgets.
I asked the man how he got it.
Instead of answering he flipped it over and at once I saw a stamp in German. I immediately assumed that it was German. He said that the trinket was Austrian.
And then he told me that I was wrong to think that this was a cobbler tool
I think I gave him a funny stare because he was starting to smile.
And so he told me that that Apprentice must’ve had a great sense of humor
… because the gadget was a can-opener.

Moral of this story is: know your shit, or you will be polishing a dead man’s tool for a hundred years.

December 14, 2017

New OS drive by Jesus

Filed under: Daily Crazies,lawls,QOTD,random crazies — Sol @ 11:12 am

Me: I have a new OS drive for your homebox.
Friend: Woah. Thank you. Tell me how you finagled this magic.
Me: I did not, but I’ll tell you who did. Ready for this?
Friend: Unlikely, but go on.
Me: JESUS.
Friend: That made me lol.
Me: Boss came up, handed me the SSDs (I have two), and said “Merry Xmas”  –  I blame Jesus

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