my brain just threw up a little…

February 19, 2016

Your internet is nice…

FOR ME TO POOP ON!

Laughing - Grinning Dog

February 18, 2016

The Lie

February 17, 2016

from an earlier conversation

“Heich-aar”

martial art of reputable place of employment

February 16, 2016

Trigger Warning! This contains hatred, religion, oral sex, and a hidden image of me strangling a feminist with my foreskin while eating a sandwich!

Dear friends,

I am taking a small vacation from the land of facebook. I have not blocked any of you. I have not dismissed any of you. I am just taking a small vacation. How long? I have not decided yet. Usually when I decide that I am done with vacation from the land of the blue F, I just reappear and life goes on after a brief “Oh, hey, he is back. Quick, send him some shockingly bad porn!”
So, no worries, all is well.
If you need to get a hold of me you can call me, send me an email, smoke signals, knock on my door, try that thing with two cans and a string, send a messenger (do not send naked singing mimes to my fucking work because I will hurt you like only I can), use deaddrop (not the Arlington one, only the Toronto or Pittsburgh banks), or do that ad placement in Times (no Observer please, their pages are too rough).
If you do not have any ways to get a hold of me and still need to, please get a hold of our press secretary in Lima Peru, I am certain she will be happy to assist you in exchange for cunnilingus so fervent and so feverish, she would appear to have been besotted by a very sexy ancient demon who really has to pee.

With this I remain
very truly yours
Sol

September 7, 2015

Tinderclap

Filed under: lawls — Sol @ 4:58 pm

You met her on tinder.

You know the rest.

January 13, 2015

made coworker listen to a lovely tune from 100yrs ago

Filed under: Daily Crazies,lawls,QOTD,random crazies — Sol @ 10:52 am

Coworker: “That sort of stuff is my jam lol”

Me: “Madam! I categorically refuse being involved in any workplace discourse involving your “jam!”

July 25, 2014

Star Wars

Marathoned Star Wars today.

Oh Kevin Smith (the movie one, not the Sales one)

how you ruined that one bit.

Forever and ever:

 

April 25, 2014

From an earlier conversation with a friend who was angered by some folk

Filed under: Daily Crazies,dreams,lawls,random crazies — Sol @ 3:26 pm
“…think of your enemies suffering from dysentery. Visualize them gasping for air in convulsive throws of debilitating bowel cramps. Cherish every moment of their white-fisted dry-heaving anal screams. Indulge in their every tear for soon they will dry with fever and be washed away with cold sweat, as Death’s cold hand will grope their shivering knobs to drag them off to that special place where they will stay frozen in perpetual shitty fucking cramp.
(feeling better?)
(no?)
(ok, there is more)
Entertain the idea of your enemies getting seduced by thrills and dangers of traveling by sea, so they would get washed up on the shore of some unfriendly island filled with cannibals and their amazingly unpleasant and ugly children, all sick with dementia from eating their cousins.
Oh what feast will they be a part of…
(any better?)
(no?)
(still feeling a bit off?)
(well, here, this should cheer you up)
Humans are social creatures, and once devoid of needed social interaction they are prone to losing what you would call “touch with reality.”
This fate has befallen our good gentleman, and being out of touch with reality while still thinking himself a doctor (inspite of what those Committee fools had said), he planned to improve the very condition of human interaction
And so he trapped himself your most prized three enemies…
and eventually this three became stars of this film…
“Human Centipede”

…”

March 5, 2014

Jay, this one is for you

Conversation with a coworker

Filed under: Daily Crazies,immortalized (™),lawls,random crazies — Sol @ 11:33 am

Me: everyone is happy

Me: next – Peace in MiddleEast

Me: lolno

Me: sorry

Coworker: HA!

Coworker: np

Me: Peace in MiddleEarth

Coworker: Better

Me: yep. would be remarkably easy

Me: Jewish and Orcish population would switch places and everyone is happy

Coworker: Nice

Me: Sauron would get voted out, Sharon would get voted in, and all the hobbits would go kosher

Me: I can’t wait to see a Dwarven rabbi

Coworker: Oy Vey, Gandolf would have such a fit

Me: no he won’t! He’d be too busy laughing at orcs trying to convert to islam

 

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