my brain just threw up a little…

November 10, 2017

oh, Louis C.K.

In order to procreate some people just need a shaved pony, covered in motor-oil, standing on a ladder in the corner of their moldy basement, reading the Greater Chicago White Pages through a ballgag. Different strokes, see? Who are we to judge people’s kink, however twisted it may be?

So I saw Louis C.K. in the news with some allegations against him. Apparently this married dude who has babies or something, has gotten some alleged kink where he wants women watch him masturbate. He propositioned some ladies over the years to watch him masturbate. Now Louis C.K. is on the grill between Kevin Spacey and that Harvey dude.

Let me see if I get this right. Propositioning sex is bad. So if propositioning sex is bad, then how do people get sex? Hookers? Can’t be hookers all the way down! Can we please legalize prostitution? So dudes like Louis could get a great lunch deal. They get to crank one off during hooker’s lunch. She has food while watching him baitin’. Free grub and tip for the hooker. And Louis C.K. is happy and a wee bit out of breath. Everyone wins, see? Alas, no hookers. Man gotta do what a man gotta do – seek out sex. I suppose magical faeries make that sex thing happen, no?
So I asked a friend about that. No snark, just serious wtf are we expected to do? Turns out waiting for the right moment is the answer.

When is the right moment?

After dinner. And after movies. After some level of intimacy has been established.

How do you establish intimacy? (don’t ask for sex. you DO everything for sex. but do not ask for it!)

You act yourself.

But myself wants sex! Then act like you want dinner before anything else.

Alright! I will not impose sex. I’ll sex myself. After dinner. And to make a compromise with myself I will ask this person not for sex, but to watch me sex myself. And I’ll be honest! I’ll just be like “Come to my room and eat tacobell and watch me while I vigorously apply lotion to my schlong. It is not like you have to actually sex at me. Also you get very intimate tacos.”

No, this is not how it works. They will just get offended!

But I am not touching on them. I am not actively making babies with them. I am sexing on my own hand! Where is the harm?!

This is not how it works!

Oh yeah? You like tacobell?

 

./dropmic

October 27, 2017

fictional characters conversation

“Why are you covered in bats?”
“It’s a fistful of lipstick, George!”

from a kid with a blue fauxhawk that had to cost about 3hrs to put up

Filed under: Daily Crazies,immortalized (™),lawls,QOTD,random crazies — Sol @ 1:53 pm

“I do not question my sexuality”

October 24, 2017

new evolutionary step to improve things

Filed under: Daily Crazies,lawls,random crazies — Sol @ 2:14 pm

Nature needs a flying carnivorous moose that is armed with poisonous piss and venomous antlers.

This will shake things up a bit.

 

October 19, 2017

Earlier conversation

Filed under: commentary,immortalized (™),lawls,QOTD,random crazies — Sol @ 1:39 pm

“Talking to her is like chewing toenails. Takes skill and makes you want to leave because everything about her just stinks.”

September 27, 2017

alright, this is just fucking creepy

Filed under: Daily Crazies,lawls,screen-shots — Sol @ 12:50 pm

I went to check the prices on replacement lower bags for this sawdust collector on amazon. When I was done and was about to close the page I noticed something seemingly out of place that was in the “Sponsored products related to this item” section. Among power switches, router tables, remote power breakers, vacuum hoses, and cut-off guards… there was an 8×10 picture of Kirsten Dunst. (priced at $6.89 she looks weird too… like someone cracked her upside the neck with a 2×4 while she was taking her pants off). Dear Amazon, wtf are you saying?

 

March 6, 2016

random bit from an earlier conversation with a friend

Filed under: Anti-SJW,Daily Crazies,lawls,QOTD,random crazies — Sol @ 5:39 pm

” I just invented a spinach pie sandwich which is sandwich but without pie crust. Ciabatta bread instead. Oh my dear fluffy lord I am so disgustingly fat now. I would go drown but my buoyancy is not allowing me to sink. So I flop on a surface like some kind of a pale whale designed by Durer…. with a mouth full of spinach and feta cheese. I am disgusting”

March 3, 2016

Happy Birthday AlisonG! (gordololololol)

20160303_094301 (more…)

February 29, 2016

Overheard in ER

Filed under: Daily Crazies,immortalized (™),lawls,QOTD,random crazies — Sol @ 12:43 pm

One of the best overheards quotes from [REDACTED] General’s ER was “I see, and you thought it was a dildo? I see… Sir, are you sure it is not loaded?”

February 27, 2016

ah, imgur, you never disappoint

Filed under: Daily Crazies,dreams,lawls,screen-shots — Sol @ 3:43 pm

Me every morning when I get up…

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