my brain just threw up a little…

September 26, 2018

You are what you eat, right?

Filed under: Daily Crazies,lawls,QOTD,random crazies — Sol @ 12:38 pm

John:
I quit smoking. Eight days now

Me:
oh! well done you
patch?

John:
Cold turkey; I got really sick last week and basically slept for a bit over 24 hours straight. After that I was like, meh, made it this far.

Me:
makes sense
feeling better?

John:
yarr

Me:
excellent, soon enough you will start jogging
and yoga
and lifting

John:
hahaha

Me:
and get healthy
and start travelling
and end up in some port in Micronesia
perched atop some bench
and locals will mistaken you for a bird, clock you over the head with a club studded with sharks teeth, and eat you.
Very healthy bird.

John:
That sounds rather painful XD

Me:
nah, you will live on as essence with tribal leaders
Your left buttock which will be eaten by Mrs Gurgle (shaman’s wife) will actually make history.
After the rest of the humanity will perish in nuclear fire, your bum will live on with child of a child of a child of a child of Mrs Gurgle. That child will have the spirit of your left buttock and will be the leader of the free world. (only a lot less Trumpy).
Interestingly enough, at about the same time there will be a rise of mutated sentient sharks. No one will know why these sharks build underwater monuments dedicated to their deity, and why these monuments so strongly resemble a pair of feet attached to a relatively small torpedo.
(Yes, there are some things cannibals just do not eat and throw overboard of their canoes)
(I bet when you woke up this morning you didn’t think that this will be a topic for some dudes’ fevered imaginative speculations, eh?)

September 9, 2018

“Judgemental”

People like throwing this word around when they do not like someone’s opinion.

Everyone has opinion(s). Not agreeing with an opinion is not an issue. Handling it can be an issue.

Live and let live, you buncha dirty apes.

July 26, 2018

Overheard at the doctor’s office

Filed under: Daily Crazies,QOTD,random crazies — Sol @ 1:20 pm

“Have you tried putting fruit in your mouth?”

(two ladies conversing)

June 23, 2018

If I told you it was a long story, you still won’t believe me.

Filed under: Daily Crazies,immortalized (™),lawls,pranks — Sol @ 3:20 pm

May 17, 2018

Sleepwalking

Filed under: Daily Crazies,dreams,immortalized (™),lawls — Sol @ 6:12 pm

sleepwalking
because that’s some dangerous crap, man
going to bed at a regular hour
all appears to be well
suddenly you wake up
to find yourself fully dressed, standing in your neighbor’s bathtub, and your entire right hand is clenched into a fist inside a jar of peanut butter
and the neighbour lady tells the cops “But he said he is going to sing!”
now, that makes for all sorts of awkward experience

(From an earlier conversation with a coworker)

May 11, 2018

From recent conversation with coworker regarding customers not answering important email

YT: We should develop our own drone program similar to amazon or DoD, so we could drop friendly reminders onto customer’s property. I am thinking a reminder shaped like a crossover between a stone tablet and a lawn-dart inscribed with heavy copperplate or Gothic font would be hard to ignore. We may need a bigger drone…

CWRKR: i mean, I wouldn’t be against the idea of things showing up in their house hold for that haha

YT: yeah you would
that would quickly become a door-to-door
nobody wants door-to-door
people get aggressive when their thin veil of privacy gets penetrated by another person
however, penetrating said veil of privacy with a stone missile delivered at 120m/s has a novelty factor, and will likely be noticed with … with more of a surprise reaction than with “get-off-mah-lawn!” reaction. Ofcourse there is a possibility of some complaints and possible litigation regarding property damage, but that becomes hardly a cause for concern after three consecutive drone stri… erm… after “three consecutive message deliveries” to the same location.

CWRKR: yeahhh that whole possibly dropping it on an unsuspecting pizza delivery persons head would also cause trouble

YT: You may no longer have a garage, and there is a decomposing display of biblical wrath on your front porch still holding a pizza box, but you will never forget to respond to our email, guaranteed!

May 2, 2018

Clementine Ford, Ladies and Gentlemen! Clementine Ford.

Dear Angries,
I’m going to leave this here for you to contemplate.
Enjoy.

April 12, 2018

Motorcycle Trebuchet

Filed under: Daily Crazies,immortalized (™),lawls,QOTD,random crazies — Sol @ 11:55 am

At some point of time in not too recent past I had this peculiar conversation with my colleague M.
It is quite involved and twisted, but in short it can be summed up to this – someone should invent a “motorcycle trebuchet.”
Initial idea was that a trebuchet can be used to load a motorcycle onto a bed of a truck. Fevered imaginations ran with the idea.
Before long this became a running joke and a go-to tangent for interrupting conversations.
Earlier today I saw an image of a post-crash motorcycle on “Trebuchet Magazine” site. Not bothering to post that. But I did send it to M. Below are the bits of the resulting conversation.

 

CM: OMG! DID SOMEONE MAKE ONE?!?!?!?!!

Me: I dread to think

CM: DREAD NOTHING! THAT WOULD BE AMAZING!

Me: (not for the poor bugger who was on this bike)

CM: Though I’m also curious now about Trebuchet magazine. Is there enough of a fan base for old-timey siege weapons to sustain a magazine dedicated to them in the modern era?

Me: eh… probably not

CM: And also, when using a motorcycle trebuchet, the rider shouldn’t be on the motorcycle.
That’s just craziness

Me: I know this is a guess-work on my part, but from my observations of individuals interested in trebuchets I can tell you that most of those characters are interested in actually building and firing a treb, instead of just drooling over pics of a treb.

CM: Yeah, that seems like the fun part.

Me: another sure sign that they do not have a huge (or even substantial) following is this; There are no flaming skull stickers for trebuchets.

CM: And after exploring that site a bit more, it seems a lot more focused on the modern art aspects of everything than the loading up a heavy shot and flinging it into stuff aspects of trebuchets.

Me: I say this in confidence because every other building hobby ALWAYS has a “flaming skull/flames niche”
skateboards, bikes, cars, PC cases, furniture, toolboxes, … hellsbells, even CANES.
but have you ever seen a treb with flame-werk appliques?

CM: I have not. And it seems like a thing they should have.
How else are you supposed to appropriately convey the sense of danger they pose!

Me: And it would be a great tribute to all the ancient trebuchets that actually were on fire
this would make for a great business opportunity
imagine
“Greek Fire Co.”
“How else can you make your trebuchet go faster?”
and
“Up to 30% more flames”

CM: I like this idea.
This should be a thing.

Me: And because this would make for a very healthy (albeit slightly illegal) business practice, one should immediately open a second business amply dubbed “Swing Le’Flambe`”
Offering same stickers and decals as a package-deal at a slightly higher price.

CM: I don’t see why it would be illegal 🙂 They’re antique replicas. Obviously not meant for use against government building.

Me: I believe there is some biz regulation prohibiting owning two businesses with sole purpose of justifying raised prices

CM: That’s fair.
But then again, Trump is president and they’re not actually going to go after business owners for screwing their customers (as long as the appropriate bribes taxes and fees are paid

Me: omg, brilliant
CM, I think we just struck gold
imagine this
small treb (about 8ft)
This treb looks pretty regular except it has a sling made out of orange fur. Sling is permanently attached to the channel (bottom part). When you attempt to fire it, it screams “FAKE!”
Market this device as “Trumpolette”
Comes optional decals shaped like flames with commonly used buzzwords Great, Huge, BelieveMe, etc
I think it will sell

CM: YES!
I like all of the things you just said.
Though you mis-spelled Yuge

March 31, 2018

Encouragement and Inspiration

Filed under: Daily Crazies,immortalized (™),lawls,QOTD,random crazies — Sol @ 10:31 am

“”Motherfucker” makes for a very encouraging and inspirational word. Especially when spoken very softly and out of nowhere.”
(from an earlier conversation with a co-worker)

March 7, 2018

bucket list

What bucket list?
I am too poor to afford a bucket.

fuck you, don’t judge me!

Older Posts »

Powered by WordPress