my brain just threw up a little…

March 6, 2009

recent on NPR

Filed under: commentary — Sol @ 6:29 pm

recent on npr – some lady has a site where people who were conceived with donor sperm post their information looking for their father. err… Donor. Yeah. Because, you see, if I jizz in a sock, and a maggot comes out, I would not want this maggot speaking to me. Especially if Sock paid me for the load.
Sock: “And this one in black and white photo is your daddy. Can you say Daddy?”
Maggot: “WaaahWaah! what’s his fucking email address? I will ask him for … erm… moral support in my endeavors!”
Sock: “Its brokebastard@jizzin4cash.org, sweetie.”

Maggot throws up on the sock and goes back to American Idol.

Well, alright, perhaps not everyone ends up with this conversation. But what the hell do you tell a kid who is all sorts of confused, insecure, and angry because their daddy was a frosty little syringe that mommy decided to buy? What will that kid think about mommy who decided to substitute a meaningful relationship with a man  for that short-term hubba-hubba with a high-tech turkey-baster.

knock, knock!

“Who is there?”

“Squirt from the past!”

Why not find a worthy man? oh wait… there are NO worthy men! We are all pigs or something, right?

Here, I’ll do you all a favor. I will spend the rest of my life trying to impregnate a piece of plumbing that is not attached to a female. Seems like a fine idea. have a day.

(please note that both the “maggot” and the “crusty sock” were unoriginal adaptations of fine work by Mr Bill Hicks)

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