my brain just threw up a little…

December 30, 2009

ouch

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sol @ 11:48 am

in pain, yet… content.

this strange person broke me last night.

./shakeshead

December 29, 2009

hits

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sol @ 1:20 pm

just looked at the statistics for this blog. Apparently there are folks out in Australia, Mexico and Germany that real this crap. Amazing…

Hey, if I post a picture(s) of Ken and Barbie getting it on with MyLittlePony – you think I get more hits from Japan?

December 28, 2009

Mutant-Grayback on the loose

Filed under: commentary,Daily Crazies — Sol @ 12:45 pm

Dear female friend who posted about her finding of a THIRD HAIR GONE GR… erm Silver!

haha.

haha.

hahahahahaha!

ok done now.

Dear friend, I think the hair thing is nothing for you to cry about. Look at it this way, guys have it far worse. As a guy you get something like this: first your hair gets thin. And you think that you are just losing your hair, right? Wrong! You are not losing it. it is migrating. All of a sudden you find your hair in places you never expected to find hair. Toes, shoulderblades, tops of your upper arms and shoulders and (I love this one) on your lower back right above your butt-crack. To make matters worse, you realize that your “migrating” hair has some twisted sense of smarts and wits, so it camouflages itself into an uber-flambee-raver-ish-ness-blah by painting itself silver. How very sneaky! And to make matters worse, the rest of your existing body-hair tries following this fresh trend, and you wake up some morning to your penis screaming like a little girl. So you look down to investigate the source of the disturbance and you find that the reason your very best of friends is standing at attention and is twitching like he is trying to salute you is because… he is surrounded by mostly gr… silver hair! Mine didn’t do quite that. It just woke me up with laughing, and when I yelled at it to stfu because I was trying to sleep, it started singing Stranglers “Golden Brown” swapping out Brown for Silver. We were not amused.

Meanwhile, your head-hair is having something sort of a civil war. Front-hair is in the uproar and  fearing annihilation and pogroms from hair on the left and on the right, so it begins to camouflage itself into this new-cool-gr… erm Silver and runs south. The left side hair is now in accord with the right side hair and both the sides are now pretending to be indignant yet cool and they follow that same trend with Silver! Meanwhile, hair on the back of your head as getting smart and tries to keep away from this mess by moving further back and away from the over-exposed top.

Hair is the thinking mechanism. It is hair that makes men fat in their later days. Well yeah, it needs room to run to from that Civil War on the Scalp, so hair convinces our brain to get fatter, to stretch skin, so hair would have enough room to migrate to.

Eventually we (men) become some Mutant-Silverback and it gets bad after that.

So… finding your three gr… erm Silver hair is not the end of the world. You can always do what most ladies out there do – dye your hair into some obnoxious color of very dead deep-water fish with a pretty and alluring name, get a ton of compliments on it, and worry not about your shit going gray for a few weeks.

Oh crap… did I say GRAY? I meant “Silver”… =)

Imagine a young man getting one of them tramp-stamps with a butterfly on it, right? And then he gets old and all of his hair does that craziness described above. Imagine how awful that butterfly would look with its butt encased in Silver hair. It would look as though it is stuck in a… a web! One might even say “The butterfly of his beauty is trapped forever in the web of his age.”

You may tell me your “fuckyous” in person, Sunshine.  =)

December 27, 2009

From “American Gods”

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sol @ 10:18 pm

“back then people used to run into the gods from time to time”

“I bet it’s like space aliens. These days people see space aliens, back then they saw gods! Maybe the space aliens come from the right side of the brain?”

“I don’t think that gods ever gave rectal probes… And they didn’t mutilate cattle themselves, they got people to do it for them.”

i think this Neil Gaiman fellow ate more acid than all of 1990s kids combined… that’s 1990, 1991, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999…. you get it.

I am fascinated for once.

“Hey, you ever wanted to see Lucy’s tits?”

Jeff M. If you have not read this, you must. This is very very good.

One

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sol @ 8:03 pm

“????” – one (russ)  as in one-two-three, or as “one by himself”

Pronounced as “oh-deen”, same as the Norse God “Odin.”

A ONE-eyed norse god. One – “????.”

hmm…

December 24, 2009

celebrate this…

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sol @ 9:57 pm

I propose we do away with Christmas and start celebrating Hogswatch.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discworld_(world)#Hogswatchnight

December 23, 2009

Mischief managed!

Filed under: Daily Crazies — Sol @ 6:58 pm

so you get some cookies from subway or some whatever nearby shop, bring a bag to work, hand a cookie to a co-worker, and say in a stern voice “Hold this…” (as if you are about to reach into your pocket and grab something else out of it) And as they get their hands on the cookie, you let go and walk away without saying a word, as if nothing happened, leaving stunned co-worker with cookie in their hand. Quietly chuckle to yourself, visualizing their confused face glaring at the cookie as if it were an alien baby on a stick reading them a prayer in some dead language.

December 22, 2009

girl

Filed under: Daily Crazies,random crazies — Sol @ 12:07 pm

On a weird side.  Found a girl I like. I think I will stay the hell away from that one. She seems like a nice person. I’d hate to be myself around her. Some inner part of me refuses to make her cry, and I know that the moment I open my mouth she will bawl and run ascreamin’. Hey, that’s kinda hot. =) I dare not harbor a daft thought that she will actually like Yours Truly. (please do not pucker your lips like that, it looks as thought you are trying to either whistle or blow smoke, neither of which is a fitting facial expression for what you just heard)

So over the weekend there was another lady I spoke with. I find her just outright fascinating. She is manipulative/controlling, but in a very respectful way. Odd, I know, I should not say “manipulative” that word bears ill intent. She is not “manipulating with ill-intent” – she is establishing clear boundaries of facts/fiction/maybes of things she knows and doesn’t. She doesn’t declare that to your face, but she acts and speaks in fashion that would prevent pointless argument. I LIKE!

Yet she listens. Very intently and with the same set of filters applied. And it is not as though She establishes the ground rules for the conversation. She just acts responsibly for her side of it.

Sam, you can tell her I said that. =P

But back to that previous girl I mentioned in the beginning.  Very cute. I made my intentions known, and she tried to sneak in “friends” thing. I snapped at her with something like “make up yer mind – yes/no. Save mebbe-bebbe for boys in diapers. You either want me or not.”

Like a proper Lady she bounced it back with a resounding NO.

Like a proper man I abruptly ended that conversation.

And more like a proper man I called back inside 12hrs to tell her that I will see her for tea this weekend. We agreed terms and talked about use of heavy siege machinery in obstetrics and related fields. She was not excited about “Cruel Tutelage of Pai-Mei.” I agreed, I think Tarantino overdone that toon and if you are reading this you really have too much fucking time on your hands to read this asinine nonsense expecting that I will hint more and drop names and actually tell you what Lady and I spoke about.

Oh you do not like it? ref.socks

xo

Tea, ok? No fucking! Just tea and idle chat about what we do not like in recent developments that taken place in sanitation facilities of Lansing board or water and light.

Now it is entirely possible that she will read this blog, and say to herself “omgomg… this man is a nutter! I should run” and run ascreamin’.

in the red

Filed under: Daily Crazies — Sol @ 11:00 am

Money, the indicator of our worth in this society. We tend to keep in private, as if it was some soft exposed underbelly and “we rather not discuss it in public or with strangers” because it is a “common sense” thing, you see? Have you noticed how those that actually have money have very little problem talking about it? And have you noticed how those that have no money grow accustomed to pretending how they “are comfortable” when conversation steers to that? All that to stay (or pretend to be standing) on the same tread of social structure. Naturally everyone will say that money never matters, but that’s a load of steaming horseshit. Money is about the only thing that matters. If it didn’t matter, we would still be trading wheat for barley, soap for shovels, and pussy for dead rabbits. I believe that was called “natural exchange.” Not the “pussy for rabbits” part – that one was called marriage. For those questioning Natural Exchange – please see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natural_economy

For those questioning that part about marriage – please see previous posts with references to marriage and socks.

Well… I am broke, account redlined, and I am not pretending for your comfort. Get socks. =)

I cannot advocate for natural exchange. I cannot be productive in the society where your worth is measured by wood, wheat, rabbits, or even tang’. I’ll get really skinny really quickly. Hey, I might be able to sell my bony ass in exchange for a carrot or two. Ah, so idyllic, me sitting by some cave, chewing on a carrot, rubbing on my one and only piece of wood… slowly.

December 21, 2009

… that’s what you get

Filed under: Daily Crazies — Sol @ 7:32 pm

(01:52:50 PM) Friend: AWESOME
(01:52:51 PM)Friend : can’t wait
(02:40:18 PM) me: then there is a pickle in a bleeding tree story.. but that one is for some other time
(02:41:52 PM) me: lets just say that some things should not be placed in an open blender, no matter how low the rpms are. Ladies tend to complain and ER doctors tend to laugh at that.
(02:42:03 PM)Friend : um
(02:42:04 PM)Friend : um
(02:42:07 PM)Friend :
(02:44:49 PM) me: no pleasure, no rapture greater than that I get from sending someones brain spinning madly into an abyss of their own imagination accompanied by a stuttering chorus of their own recollection and filmed by ever widening lenses of their eyes.
(02:45:02 PM) Friend: omg, have we met?! my imagination is too cruel!!
(02:45:11 PM) me: lol
(02:46:04 PM) me: you are a sick little monkey and your brain is its own Spanish Inquisition on laughing gas and technocolor custard in zero G
(02:46:10 PM) Friend: arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

Older Posts »

Powered by WordPress