my brain just threw up a little…

June 22, 2011

Death of a used car salesman…

Filed under: Daily Crazies,random crazies — Sol @ 11:10 am

Used car salesman drenched in napalm, crawling through an old abandoned industrial facility. Floors are covered with a few inches of broken glass and refuse. Dragging his broken bleeding legs he is spinning his feverish eyes, looking for cover. The smell is most retched. If they do not hear him scream, he might just get away, get to safety, call a lawyer, bowl another frame, sell another used car… Treacherous crushed glass makes more and more noise as he rushes towards a door he spotted. He almost reached it. He was only a few feet away when he heard quick crunching steps. Redoubling his efforts and no longer hiding his wheezing gaspy breaths he covered those few feet and lurched for the round, chromed doorknob. His bloodied hand gave little friction on the polished chrome, but it gave enough for him to fill his world with morbid dread of understanding that this door is indeed locked.
And that is when he heard the giggle. A thin, child-like, neurotic, wheezing giggle, ending with what sounded like two quick steps through the crushed glass. Fear gripped his lungs, froze his neck, and contorted his face into a mask of agonizing terror. He did not want to turn and look. He did not want to face it, because he still thought that there is something that will help him get away. And then he saw it. He saw the reflection in the chromed knob. He saw it even through the smear of blood, fuel, and sweat. Reflection broke the ice of his fear and crushed him like a sledgehammer would crush a beer-bottle. His bladder let loose as he begin to fall into a pit of his endlessly miserable wale. Reflection showed him a 4ft tall person, dressed in kilt and bright yellow rubber boots. In one hand this strange person was holding a carpenters hammer, and in another hand there was a rubber hose attached to an oversized backpack strapped to its back. It’s head was almost square, it had a cavernous maw, with remarkably crooked blackened teeth. It’s eyes were somewhat slanted, and projecting at a very steep angle from its peep of a nose encrusted with cocaine sores and dripping with snot. It had no hair, spare for the eyebrows and thinning top-knot. There was a rotting human finger attached to the topknot by means of a rubberband, making it look like some cannibal variation of a beanie-propeller hat. It stopped just a few steps away from its prey and let out another wheezing giggle. “Where is your *wheeze* lawyer now, Mr Used Car Salesman?” Wheezed the midget, and broke into another mindless giggle. This last giggle was unexpected and startled the run-down man making him gasp audibly. And this giggle stopped as abruptly, making him tense his already contorted face, again. “You think that finally your sleaziness and douchebaggery have met their match in my *wheeze* Bru-tah-lee-tay, eh? Well, this is ironic, my good Mr Used Car Salesman…”
After saying this his voice suddenly jumped almost an octave and drastically increased in volume. He sounded almost like a conferencier at some spectacle macabre that could only be imagined by most desperate, depraved, and twisted.
“But you have not yet met your match, Mr Used Car Salesman. Not yet!”
And after announcing… nay after BELLOWING this, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a box. He shook the box which made a bit of a rattling noise. Box had “Strike anywhere matches” written on it…

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