my brain just threw up a little…

November 25, 2011

You want a big screen TV – you are OK to mace people.

Filed under: commentary — Sol @ 2:06 pm

wow, really, pepperspray to repel other shoppers from desired bargains.


“Police said the suspect shot the pepper spray when the coverings over the items she wanted were removed.”

Store has their wares covered for what reason exactly?

So what’s the moral here? You want a big screen TV – you are OK to mace people. really, because noone else matters. Is that it?

Look, I would understand if you are a mother trying to get food for your child. Hells bells, I’d help you get that food if possible.

But… electronics? FUCKING TOYS!!! And you are macing innocent bystanders for it?!

Dear HBO,

Can we please televise this shit? I want every Friday to be The Black Friday. Folks belly up to their favorite bar after work, and watch BFG special. That’s Black Friday Gladiators, see?

A mall is booked for an event. All stores closed and barricaded. Staff is not allowed any weapons. Competitors are allowed use of improvised weapons only. (brick in purse, hair spray and zippo, hair-pins, knitting needles, shopping carts, plumbing dismantled from the mall’s restrooms, or anything they can get their hands on inside the mall) On signal, groups of four are allowed in. They are not allowed to wear any identifying colors. So each group of four has to know themselves.

First target – sports section. Not for the shoes and jerseys. For the weapons. Golf-clubs, bows etc.

And they have to be quick – the whole thing is only four hours long. Whoever spends the highest dollar amount wins. Removing a competitor from the game adds $100 to your score. Removing them permanently – $1000. Yes, range weapons are a plus, however, no weapon can be used outside a store. Four Hours and $1000 spending cash. Bodyparts presented at checkout are equivalent to a 5% off coupon. You get 20%off if you are wearing someone-elses face and/or using someone-elses hands while handling your money.

Winners get a half off coupon for anything they purchase at one store of their choice from a presented competitors list. Bottom of the list starts with grocery stores, ending with jewelry stores at the top.

And once a year, during actual Black Friday, the BFG event is held at a mall X. OWS from all over the world are allowed to take over and protest inside the mall X during the four hours when the BFG event takes place. Absence of law-enforcement is guaranteed!

Pepper-spray… what a bitch

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