my brain just threw up a little…

September 10, 2009

online dating services vomit (twice)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sol @ 2:28 am

Dear Fluffy Lord! Thanks for pointers! I guess I am just way too picky.

This one looks too fake. That’s a stretched fake smile that would cost a car salesman his job.

This one is more than I can lift, and so scary I won’t stick a harpoon in it, never you mind me sticking my precious in this.

This one looks like my mom. It is not my mom, and according to the listing this one is younger, but she sure as hell looks like my mom.

This one looks like a kid, has two kids, recently separated and is looking for a guy younger than she is, a guy who makes 75K+, and has no kids. Who is she kidding.

This one is too young. “Enjoyz dansing…” – appears to be a little daft too.

This one is 71 and looks very serious. If she looked a little less serious I would be more sarcastic, but without sarcasm I will just say “Last roll.”

This one is lying. I can see 3rd chin in the 1/2-faced picture, and a fold of fat on her wrist. 130lbs 5’4″ she is NOT!

This one looks like Death. No, seriously. The Death from Discworld. With skin, sans the scythe. Oh, and big hair on that.

This one “curvy” and “wanted a Heart for God” – fail goes both ways on this one, I guess… and no picture. I cannot lift “cuvry” and “no picture.” I also do not fit that heart-god thing. I am a heartless twat, and I do not believe in their god. Next!

This one lists “bodytype – average.” Fail – I can see her upper arm, it is bigger than my leg. If this is average, men would be a lot more polite to ladies. On average, that is.

This one is an epic fail all over the place – wrong age, wrong bodytype, wrong … just about everything. Come to think of it, I think its a woman, but with this service you can just never be sure.

Dear Fluffy Lord! Remember that talk about Smart, Beautiful, and Kind. This bunch I just looked at are not fitting these criteria at all. Are you hinting that I would be better off single? It really is far more appealing than spending any time with any of the fine ladies whose profiles I just looked at in the last hour.

sigh

NEXT!

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