my brain just threw up a little…

December 29, 2012

Grimm’s Fairy Tales (and dogs)

Filed under: Daily Crazies,dreams,random crazies — Sol @ 5:14 pm

Apparently my dogs like fairy tales. I just finished reading one of the Grimm’s fairy tales to the dogs. The one about an old goat leaving her seven kids to fend for themselves while she is gone to fetch some food for them. Long and short of it, Big Bad Wolf duped the kids into opening the door and ate all of them but one. The one that was not gobbled up was the one that smartly hid inside a clock case. That would be Breaking and Entering, Kidnapping, and Cannibalism. Latter is arguable, seeing how wolves and goats are different species, see? Mommy goat gets home to find her house a mess and six of the kids missing. Seventh kid tells her what happened. After a considerably brief period of mourning they go out to the woods to find the wolf (because, you know, this is what goats do, go into the woods to find wolves). And soon they locate the sleeping wolf. Upon close examination Mother Goat figures out that her six babies are not dead and are wiggling inside the wolf’s belly. She sends her surviving kid back home to fetch thread, needle, and scissors. Kid brings it all to her and she performs some manner of gastric C-section on the sleeping wolf. Now… here I would like to point out that she did have an option to just outright end the monster in his slumber. Look, clearly the beast is smart and dangerous, right? Even a goat can understand it. Well, alright, maybe not THIS goat. This a special kind of a goat that leaves her kids alone, mourns a few seconds after 6 of seven of her children are eaten, and then goes to look for the wolf in the forest. Fine! So instead of outright killing the monster in its sleep this goat concocts this diabolical revenge scheme. Get this, she cuts the wolf open, pulls her six still breathing and happy kids out of the monsters belly and sends them off to the river to bring her some riverstones. She packs his gut full of rocks and stitches it up. You may ask how the hell didn’t the monster didn’t wake up and kill the dumb goat along with the remaining kid? I have no idea. Perhaps Wolf went through Goat’s medicine cabinet and got all the drugs she had stashed away. I’d wager she had some serious knock out pills somewhere. Seven kids… yeah, you will need some heavy drugs to sleep well. So she stitches up the wolf with goat knows how many rocks in his gut and hides to watch. Wolf wakes up feeling post-op thirsty, still groggy and delirious. And it is in this state that he decides to get some water out of the nearest well. According to the only eye-witnesses present (goats), this wolf “FELL” into the well. Right, sure he did.

Dogs commentary was “Moral of this story is – she committed a murder, and unless there is no statute of limitation in that forest in 18-19th century, she is not guilty and free to go. Got any more bacon?”

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