my brain just threw up a little…

October 23, 2009

demon blood…

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sol @ 10:24 pm

so… um… right! Dragon Age, the game. I hear it is getting shipped with this:

darkspawn2_500x325 According to http://www.cnet.com/8301-18603_1-10382131-73.html ,  this is a vial of what makers call a “demon blood” and it gets shipped with the game (?)…
Imagine what goes through the head of that one chinese ex-farmer as he assembles this box and stuffs in with straw and all that crap. “Hey, that pays!”

So, um… there is this other one from TrueBlood:

trubloodbeverage

and ofcourse this:

manapotion

So I wonder… is there a conspiracy theory that connects gaming industry, show and entertainment industry, soft-drink companies, dental health industry, and dental and health insurance industry?

Did they all just get together in some office with fat-free celery sticks and bottled water on the big round table, and report their numbers to each other.

When I grow up I will make a shit-ton of money, and I will dedicate my time and resources to buying a commercial slot during the Superbowl. I will air a commercial that will show the following:

A large plexiglass tank with iron crate placed over the top of it. Inside you see a group of naked people covering themselves with 2’x4′ posters. Posters bear logos of companies these people own. Soft-drinks and dental insurance, the whole lot of them… Some of them are still pounding on the glass, others are done trying to make jokes. Their collective filth pooled in the middle of the glass concave.  There is a large grate-plate welded and suspended on chains catwalk that passes directly over the steel crate covering the tank. On this catwalk you see a flamboyantly motioning, red tuxedo clad fellow with a microphone in hand and no teeth in his mouth. He announces something in a loud stage-voice. You cannot understand a word because he doesn’t have his dentures in his mouth, so his rather long winded speech sounds very foreign to you, even though you clearly comprehend that this is some Englishman who is speaking English and you know that the only reason you cannot grasp anything aside from “conglomeration” is because his fucking teeth are gone. And even “conglomeration” sounds like there is a poorly peeled carrot in his mouth. At the end of his long oration he flings microphone off the catwalk, and bows. Immediately after the bow he unbuttons his pants, and pulls out a rather diseased looking penis and proceeds on urinating on the crowd of execs in the tank. He clearly had to go for sometime. Execs are squatting and shielding their heads with their posters. Finally a shiver, shake, fart, and a look of relief followed by a content smile. Penis gets put away as the relieved man bows out.

Moments later a huge container of rotten teeth that came out of heads of all the habitual soft-drink consumers is dumped into the tank, filling it about half way to the brim. Camera pans out and you realize that this giant tank is in fact shaped like a glassware commonly used for soft-drinks and execs in it are much like some macabre ice-cubes. Execs are too preoccupied vomiting and pounding on the glass to notice that above them, with a quiet sound a giant valve hissed open and an endless stream of colored, carbonated, and heavily sugared water started poring into the tank. Foam raised in seconds and after another few moments pounding on the glass had subsided.

Lights dimmed and the spotlight again took over the catwalk where now there is a wheelchair. A woman with a cigarette sticking out of her trachea-tube waves and smiles weakly. Caption reads “Tobacco Co will be next!”

And a friendly voice prompts to stay tuned for more… you can see limbs dissolving amidst the teeth and bubbles.

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