Gratuitous gratuity.
ponder this.
February 18, 2018
February 16, 2018
February 14, 2018
Altered Carbon goats
Goat Farming Space Program can also double as a correctional facility. Use goats as sleeves for the prisoners. A few years as a less advanced life form trapped on the Moon, getting milked, eating pellets, and shuffling shit while waiting for a frozen pineapple treat so you and a few thousand other goats could fight over it, that would be a deterrent powerful enough to keep everyone chanting 2+2=5!
Orwellian Goat Farming Space Program. How about that?
Do goats eat pineapple?
Populate newly terraformed Moon with spacesuit wearing goats.
Build a cannon atop of an active volcano.
Use volcano’s energy to shoot frozen pineapples at the Moon.
Use surplus goat-shit to manufacture explosives.
Use explosives to shoot surplus goat-cheese back at Earth.
Farming is now a Space Program.
Profit.
Moon cheese
Moon is not made of cheese, but it can be used as a giant encapsulated and terraformed goat farm centred around goat cheese manufacturing. All goat refuse can be used to enrich the soil. Soil will produce greens. Greens feed goats. One minor issue – Moon has no water. Figure out a way to artificially create water on the Moon and you will have Moon covered with goat cheese in no time.
Moon can be made of cheese.
February 13, 2018
Moonshot
It is impossible to fire a pineapple from a cannon at the Moon because it is not aerodynamically shaped and its’ density is too low to survive the pressure developed at muzzle. Now… no such thing was ever said about coconuts. Ponder this.
February 12, 2018
iSuppose
“Elegant piece of futuristic equipment with a solitary control (available in four popular colors). When activated it emits a sonorous chime followed by ever depressing exhalation of dismay and existential dread.”
(From an earlier conversation with a co-worker)
February 5, 2018
Alms in binary code is a bunch of ones and zeroes too.
Implication of the tech progress will result in some skewed scale of values.
Much like wearing eyeglasses became a usual thing, so will VR/VAR will become commonplace and even must-have, overlaying division of classes.
This is how you will end up with high-tech bums working from home.
There will be an android on the corner of Jolly and MLK projecting a holographic image in the space in front of computer operated cars at traffic light.
Motorists will be exposed to images of cute kittens, playful puppies, technocolor tits, bad teeth, apple-pie, and Jesus holding out a clickable hyperlink for “donation to my cause ’cause I work from home.”
Until then – it is a bit of cardboard over second-hand shoes.
December 25, 2017
Moral fiber
I wonder if people realize that their moral fiber should be used to justify retribution when needed, and it is not the kind of fiber that should justify them shitting their pants.
December 22, 2017
Trolling in 1898.
This old cobbler died and when his friends and family were at a wake his apprentice came by and quietly sat at his casket. He pulled this odd little tool out of his pocket and laid it in the crook of the dead man’s folded arm. Tool looked like a well worn screwdriver with some kind of bracket and a hook on the shaft. Relatives present asked what this was about, and the aprentice told them that this is some tool this man was using for work, hence all the wear and tear on the handle.
A few minutes later dead man’s wife returned from her conversation with some other relative and saw the little gadget. She smiled at the aprentice and hugged him. And told him that it is a fantastic gesture, but she would really want this odd little gadget to be in a museum since there are so very few of those gadgets left in the world, now that there are machines for making shoes. And so it was agreed, and she took the gadget to a local museum, where a wisened old historian thanked her and made it a point to invite her to the museum when the odd little gadget was placed on the wall in a heavy red-wood case with a plaque explaining what this is and with the picture of the now dead cobbler.
In 1989 I was friends with a young historian who was working at that museum. She brought me over to show me the silly gadget and to show me the procedure for cleaning it.
The amount of attention she was giving this trinket was almost awe-inspiring.
I watched her treat this 100yr old tool like soldiers handle their weapons, or how a master craftsman would treat a piece of equipment their lives depended on.
In my head something about this gadget did not quite match up, something was a miss.
So I described this funny little gadget to this old relative of mine. Chap was in his 90s. So he noded, put the scetch down, and said that he knows the gadget.
I was at once relieved, and thought myself a fool for having the doubts. Who am I to doubt wisened old historians?
So the old fellow said that he too has one of those very similar looking gadgets. I was elated at prospect of seeing one of those misterious gadgets.
I asked the man how he got it.
Instead of answering he flipped it over and at once I saw a stamp in German. I immediately assumed that it was German. He said that the trinket was Austrian.
And then he told me that I was wrong to think that this was a cobbler tool
I think I gave him a funny stare because he was starting to smile.
And so he told me that that Apprentice must’ve had a great sense of humor
… because the gadget was a can-opener.
Moral of this story is: know your shit, or you will be polishing a dead man’s tool for a hundred years.
Face of all the evil, AKA Jimmy The Angry
It is a “do not speak at me” level of dumb.
Produce a viable solution. Track Jimmies. Set guards in schools. Most importantly – if you value human life so very fucking much, then maybe you will stop being hypocritical in regards to whose life matters more and start acting like they all fucking matter regardless of whose vaganus they turded out of into this world.