From Altered Carbon. Hey, at least no one was shagging this cat. Aristocrats.
September 9, 2018
August 28, 2018
July 26, 2018
Overheard at the doctor’s office
“Have you tried putting fruit in your mouth?”
(two ladies conversing)
June 23, 2018
crossing fingers
This guy I know just told me he is dealing with a brain tumor.
I like this guy. I hope his tumor fucks off and recovery is quick.
oh and he has a pretty awesome doggus.
CW, I’ll keep my digits crossed and will see you when you get out of that mess.
June 21, 2018
co-worker’s birthday
I can’t think of anything appropriate to do to him
I mean… I CAN, but it involves a suitcase, 17mm box wrench, Happy anniversary card, a ball of twine, raw egg, lighter fluid, and eventual police sirens. Which makes it not really appropriate for the work environment, see?
oh, and one of those mini-cupcakes with a pair of chopsticks
hey, I wasn’t the one who invented this prank, so I cannot take any credit for it.
Original was setup by Usul-bey during 1812 Turkish campaign on the west side of Bofort pass, and resulting effect gave most the modern day Bulgarian population a persistent stutter.
May 17, 2018
Sleepwalking
sleepwalking
because that’s some dangerous crap, man
going to bed at a regular hour
all appears to be well
suddenly you wake up
to find yourself fully dressed, standing in your neighbor’s bathtub, and your entire right hand is clenched into a fist inside a jar of peanut butter
and the neighbour lady tells the cops “But he said he is going to sing!”
now, that makes for all sorts of awkward experience
(From an earlier conversation with a coworker)
May 11, 2018
From recent conversation with coworker regarding customers not answering important email
YT: We should develop our own drone program similar to amazon or DoD, so we could drop friendly reminders onto customer’s property. I am thinking a reminder shaped like a crossover between a stone tablet and a lawn-dart inscribed with heavy copperplate or Gothic font would be hard to ignore. We may need a bigger drone…
CWRKR: i mean, I wouldn’t be against the idea of things showing up in their house hold for that haha
YT: yeah you would
that would quickly become a door-to-door
nobody wants door-to-door
people get aggressive when their thin veil of privacy gets penetrated by another person
however, penetrating said veil of privacy with a stone missile delivered at 120m/s has a novelty factor, and will likely be noticed with … with more of a surprise reaction than with “get-off-mah-lawn!” reaction. Ofcourse there is a possibility of some complaints and possible litigation regarding property damage, but that becomes hardly a cause for concern after three consecutive drone stri… erm… after “three consecutive message deliveries” to the same location.
CWRKR: yeahhh that whole possibly dropping it on an unsuspecting pizza delivery persons head would also cause trouble
YT: You may no longer have a garage, and there is a decomposing display of biblical wrath on your front porch still holding a pizza box, but you will never forget to respond to our email, guaranteed!
May 2, 2018
Clementine Ford, Ladies and Gentlemen! Clementine Ford.
Dear Angries,
I’m going to leave this here for you to contemplate.
Enjoy.
“Judgemental”
People like throwing this word around when they do not like someone’s opinion.
Everyone has opinion(s). Not agreeing with an opinion is not an issue. Handling it can be an issue.
Live and let live, you buncha dirty apes.