Populate newly terraformed Moon with spacesuit wearing goats.
Build a cannon atop of an active volcano.
Use volcano’s energy to shoot frozen pineapples at the Moon.
Use surplus goat-shit to manufacture explosives.
Use explosives to shoot surplus goat-cheese back at Earth.
Farming is now a Space Program.
Profit.
February 14, 2018
Do goats eat pineapple?
Moon cheese
Moon is not made of cheese, but it can be used as a giant encapsulated and terraformed goat farm centred around goat cheese manufacturing. All goat refuse can be used to enrich the soil. Soil will produce greens. Greens feed goats. One minor issue – Moon has no water. Figure out a way to artificially create water on the Moon and you will have Moon covered with goat cheese in no time.
Moon can be made of cheese.
February 13, 2018
Moonshot
It is impossible to fire a pineapple from a cannon at the Moon because it is not aerodynamically shaped and its’ density is too low to survive the pressure developed at muzzle. Now… no such thing was ever said about coconuts. Ponder this.
February 12, 2018
iSuppose
“Elegant piece of futuristic equipment with a solitary control (available in four popular colors). When activated it emits a sonorous chime followed by ever depressing exhalation of dismay and existential dread.”
(From an earlier conversation with a co-worker)
February 5, 2018
December 25, 2017
Moral fiber
I wonder if people realize that their moral fiber should be used to justify retribution when needed, and it is not the kind of fiber that should justify them shitting their pants.
December 22, 2017
Trolling in 1898.
This old cobbler died and when his friends and family were at a wake his apprentice came by and quietly sat at his casket. He pulled this odd little tool out of his pocket and laid it in the crook of the dead man’s folded arm. Tool looked like a well worn screwdriver with some kind of bracket and a hook on the shaft. Relatives present asked what this was about, and the aprentice told them that this is some tool this man was using for work, hence all the wear and tear on the handle.
A few minutes later dead man’s wife returned from her conversation with some other relative and saw the little gadget. She smiled at the aprentice and hugged him. And told him that it is a fantastic gesture, but she would really want this odd little gadget to be in a museum since there are so very few of those gadgets left in the world, now that there are machines for making shoes. And so it was agreed, and she took the gadget to a local museum, where a wisened old historian thanked her and made it a point to invite her to the museum when the odd little gadget was placed on the wall in a heavy red-wood case with a plaque explaining what this is and with the picture of the now dead cobbler.
In 1989 I was friends with a young historian who was working at that museum. She brought me over to show me the silly gadget and to show me the procedure for cleaning it.
The amount of attention she was giving this trinket was almost awe-inspiring.
I watched her treat this 100yr old tool like soldiers handle their weapons, or how a master craftsman would treat a piece of equipment their lives depended on.
In my head something about this gadget did not quite match up, something was a miss.
So I described this funny little gadget to this old relative of mine. Chap was in his 90s. So he noded, put the scetch down, and said that he knows the gadget.
I was at once relieved, and thought myself a fool for having the doubts. Who am I to doubt wisened old historians?
So the old fellow said that he too has one of those very similar looking gadgets. I was elated at prospect of seeing one of those misterious gadgets.
I asked the man how he got it.
Instead of answering he flipped it over and at once I saw a stamp in German. I immediately assumed that it was German. He said that the trinket was Austrian.
And then he told me that I was wrong to think that this was a cobbler tool
I think I gave him a funny stare because he was starting to smile.
And so he told me that that Apprentice must’ve had a great sense of humor
… because the gadget was a can-opener.
Moral of this story is: know your shit, or you will be polishing a dead man’s tool for a hundred years.
Dirty Perverts
Let me see if I get this right;
Photogenic, eloquent, well read, able to recognise emotions while masking their own to project a personality they really are not, while believing themself to be the personality they are projecting.
Sounds psychotic?
that’s called “acting.”
And we, the people, praise these individuals, we elevate them to celebrity, follow them, mourn their passing, and rage when we find out that the person behind the silver screen is flawed.
cue in pitchforks and torches.
RIP dirty perverts
December 14, 2017
New OS drive by Jesus
Me: I have a new OS drive for your homebox.
Friend: Woah. Thank you. Tell me how you finagled this magic.
Me: I did not, but I’ll tell you who did. Ready for this?
Friend: Unlikely, but go on.
Me: JESUS.
Friend: That made me lol.
Me: Boss came up, handed me the SSDs (I have two), and said “Merry Xmas” – I blame Jesus
December 8, 2017
From an earlier conversation with a friend
Friend: “i’m going to try to figure out how to log that last call, it was complicated and too much thing in it.”
Me: Start with “His deep raspy voice had a calm of of italian leather with a hint of sandalwood and a calm confidence of consonants in the word guillotine. My breath shorted out the phoneline. It was 10 AM…”
Alms in binary code is a bunch of ones and zeroes too.
Implication of the tech progress will result in some skewed scale of values.
Much like wearing eyeglasses became a usual thing, so will VR/VAR will become commonplace and even must-have, overlaying division of classes.
This is how you will end up with high-tech bums working from home.
There will be an android on the corner of Jolly and MLK projecting a holographic image in the space in front of computer operated cars at traffic light.
Motorists will be exposed to images of cute kittens, playful puppies, technocolor tits, bad teeth, apple-pie, and Jesus holding out a clickable hyperlink for “donation to my cause ’cause I work from home.”
Until then – it is a bit of cardboard over second-hand shoes.