Dear Angries,
I’m going to leave this here for you to contemplate.
Enjoy.
May 2, 2018
Clementine Ford, Ladies and Gentlemen! Clementine Ford.
April 12, 2018
Motorcycle Trebuchet
At some point of time in not too recent past I had this peculiar conversation with my colleague M.
It is quite involved and twisted, but in short it can be summed up to this – someone should invent a “motorcycle trebuchet.”
Initial idea was that a trebuchet can be used to load a motorcycle onto a bed of a truck. Fevered imaginations ran with the idea.
Before long this became a running joke and a go-to tangent for interrupting conversations.
Earlier today I saw an image of a post-crash motorcycle on “Trebuchet Magazine” site. Not bothering to post that. But I did send it to M. Below are the bits of the resulting conversation.
CM: OMG! DID SOMEONE MAKE ONE?!?!?!?!!
Me: I dread to think
CM: DREAD NOTHING! THAT WOULD BE AMAZING!
Me: (not for the poor bugger who was on this bike)
CM: Though I’m also curious now about Trebuchet magazine. Is there enough of a fan base for old-timey siege weapons to sustain a magazine dedicated to them in the modern era?
Me: eh… probably not
CM: And also, when using a motorcycle trebuchet, the rider shouldn’t be on the motorcycle.
That’s just craziness
Me: I know this is a guess-work on my part, but from my observations of individuals interested in trebuchets I can tell you that most of those characters are interested in actually building and firing a treb, instead of just drooling over pics of a treb.
CM: Yeah, that seems like the fun part.
Me: another sure sign that they do not have a huge (or even substantial) following is this; There are no flaming skull stickers for trebuchets.
CM: And after exploring that site a bit more, it seems a lot more focused on the modern art aspects of everything than the loading up a heavy shot and flinging it into stuff aspects of trebuchets.
Me: I say this in confidence because every other building hobby ALWAYS has a “flaming skull/flames niche”
skateboards, bikes, cars, PC cases, furniture, toolboxes, … hellsbells, even CANES.
but have you ever seen a treb with flame-werk appliques?
CM: I have not. And it seems like a thing they should have.
How else are you supposed to appropriately convey the sense of danger they pose!
Me: And it would be a great tribute to all the ancient trebuchets that actually were on fire
this would make for a great business opportunity
imagine
“Greek Fire Co.”
“How else can you make your trebuchet go faster?”
and
“Up to 30% more flames”
CM: I like this idea.
This should be a thing.
Me: And because this would make for a very healthy (albeit slightly illegal) business practice, one should immediately open a second business amply dubbed “Swing Le’Flambe`”
Offering same stickers and decals as a package-deal at a slightly higher price.
CM: I don’t see why it would be illegal 🙂 They’re antique replicas. Obviously not meant for use against government building.
Me: I believe there is some biz regulation prohibiting owning two businesses with sole purpose of justifying raised prices
CM: That’s fair.
But then again, Trump is president and they’re not actually going to go after business owners for screwing their customers (as long as the appropriate bribes taxes and fees are paid
Me: omg, brilliant
CM, I think we just struck gold
imagine this
small treb (about 8ft)
This treb looks pretty regular except it has a sling made out of orange fur. Sling is permanently attached to the channel (bottom part). When you attempt to fire it, it screams “FAKE!”
Market this device as “Trumpolette”
Comes optional decals shaped like flames with commonly used buzzwords Great, Huge, BelieveMe, etc
I think it will sell
CM: YES!
I like all of the things you just said.
Though you mis-spelled Yuge
March 31, 2018
Encouragement and Inspiration
“”Motherfucker” makes for a very encouraging and inspirational word. Especially when spoken very softly and out of nowhere.”
(from an earlier conversation with a co-worker)
March 7, 2018
bucket list
What bucket list?
I am too poor to afford a bucket.
fuck you, don’t judge me!
February 28, 2018
Cyborg VS Kunitskaya
Coworker tells me about the two female MMA fighters.
Another shows me their action shots.
“you know its’ bad when they are dripping testosterone, squirt like blood sprinklers, and growl as if they are passing a stool of a three-legged pub variety, right?”
February 22, 2018
February 18, 2018
Face of all the evil, AKA Jimmy The Angry
You do know that it’s not the rifle that kills. It is the moron holding it that pulls the trigger.
You think that instituting a ban on “AR-style” rifles is a panacea for school shootings? You are dumb. Plain and simple. OR! You are looking for an argument with ulterior motives and that makes you dumb and a four-legged twat-waffle.
Lemme’splain
Okso, there is a teenager with hitherto undefined issues and you feel the need to make a statement by just destroying things. Yes, I said “things” because for a damaged and sick individual human beings are just that – a thing.
Jimmy The Angry (the angsty teenage sociopath now has a name for ease of reference!) goes to local store to get himself outfitted with a fine and dandy Armalite product to rain destruction on all those he hates. (maybe he believes himself to be a falcon and wants to fly free, who knows?)(actually… who knows, really? he got a shrink, or proctologist or something? anyone?)
Clerk at unnamed local store tells this kid to fuck off unless background check. Jimmy The Angry produces ID.
now…
Some states won’t sell till you are 16. Other states will sell when you are 18.
no matter. Mr Angry is 19.
Background check shows prior arrests and residencies.
Not a word about Mr Angry being on two serious meds.
Not a word about Mr Angry being in psych care.
Not a word from precog bureau.
Not a word from no such agency about Jimmy making subtle yet terrible threats in the bathroom, out of sight but within the earshot of his mom’s favorite basement Echo.
okso, Jimmy gets his AR and buys thirty or so magpul mags and a strappy magbra (tacvest). Jimmy The Angry loads out, drops self off at school, and unloads his anger.
There is no armed guard or two on the grounds. Like one at the gate and one inside with eye on cameras, no? It would make sense to guard kids, seeing how kids are pretty damn important. Not to mention there is this “pandemic slaughtering of kids instituted by Republicans and their gun-laws” or something like that, right? More on that later.
Aha, say you. But what if there was no evil AR so readily available for Jimmy The Angry!
Now, I could call you dumb just there, but in spirit of goodness I will play along for a hot minute.
No AR? No problem!
How about a popular american made semi-auto shotgun with a 25rnd drum, bubba-stock and an 18″ barrel? Do you still think that AR is the most evil thing out there?
Because that shotgun IS a hunting weapon that cost about as much as AR and any dimwit can switch out a barrel, and slap a 30rnd drum of 00 into it. You want to see images of what 00 does to a human torso at 25yrds? Seen many hallways longer than 25yrds filled with firealarmed students? Just use your imagination.
Where is the will, there is a fucktard looking to use it.
Going to outlaw guns and make unregistered guns “bad” and punishable by up to 30yrs in prison?
Right! Person looking to commit a murder is not going to be deterred by “ooooh look, a draconian firearms charge, better not do this” when they are looking to End someone’s Life and quite possibly end their own.
No, they are not going to use their own registered weapon to hold up a bank or to start a quiet neighborhood carjacking business.
You want a viable solution to a politicized cause of death that costs 1/10th of a percent of deaths compared with car crashes, or whatever the number is?
Actually WHAT IS THE NUMBER?
Iraq Death Toll Reaches 500,000 Since Start Of U.S.-Led Invasion …
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/15/iraq-death-toll_n_4102855.html
Total number of deaths in ALL school shootings in US since 1764 – … 222.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/School_shootings_in_the_United_States
Here is another set of numbers:
In 2010, there were an estimated 5,419,000 crashes, 30,296 of with fatalities, killing 32,999, and injuring 2,239,000. About 2,000 children under 16 die every year in traffic collisions. Records indicate that there has been a total of 3,613,732 motor vehicle fatalities in the United States from 1899 to 2013.
Motor vehicle fatality rate in U.S. by year – Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motor_vehicle_fatality_rate_in_U.S._by_year
wait, wait… here is a good one!
25,000 to 120,000 The minimum number of the above deaths due to negligence. That is, deaths caused
by medical malpractice each year.
https://centerjd.org/cjrg/Numbers.pdf
oooh, hey, how about this one?
Facts About Abortion: U.S. Abortion Statistics
abort73.com/abortion_facts/us_abortion_statistics
Jan 22, 2018 – Between 1973-2012, 431 women died due to abortion complications (CDC).
Cigarette smoking causes about one of every five deaths in the United States each year. Cigarette smoking is estimated to cause the following: More than 480,000 deaths annually (including deaths from secondhand smoke)
CDC – Fact Sheet – Tobacco-Related Mortality – Smoking & Tobacco Use
https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_statistics/fact…/tobacco…mortality/index.htm
222 since ever…
Now, rest your eyes on this bit for a moment:
Gun violence in the United States – Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_violence_in_the_United_States
Gun violence in the United States results in tens of thousands of deaths and injuries annually. In 2013, there were 73,505 nonfatal firearm injuries (23.2 injuries per 100,000 U.S. citizens), and 33,636 deaths due to “injury by firearms” (10.6 deaths per 100,000 U.S. citizens). These deaths consisted of 11,208 homicides, …
that’s approx 11000 out of about 33000. Roughly a third is a homicide. Means the other 22000 are fucking pranks, what?
222.
ever.
Still think AR is the face of all evil?
That makes you fucking dumb.
Jimmy level dumb.
It is a “do not speak at me” level of dumb.
Produce a viable solution. Track Jimmies. Set guards in schools. Most importantly – if you value human life so very fucking much, then maybe you will stop being hypocritical in regards to whose life matters more and start acting like they all fucking matter regardless of whose vaganus they turded out of into this world.
I’ll just leave this here for The Angries
Pay Gap